I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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