I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize