I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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