Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
