She's JV to your varsity
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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