remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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