Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
