i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
