So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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