How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
