Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize