Soap is not a condiment
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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