If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
