Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
This toilet bowl is my home.
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