I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
