there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
