Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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