So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
