How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
