All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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