I swear she didn't look like that last week.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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