You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize