Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I need moral support for this bender
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize