either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
