ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
