Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
