nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
