Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
no, he came in my armpit
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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