im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
