It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
