...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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