I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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