You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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