So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Everything about him screamed your future.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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