we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
