i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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