No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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