Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
