We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize