On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
