Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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