my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
