New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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