I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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