ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just blew my weed a kiss
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
