I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
