I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
