Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
