Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
