I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
