tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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