"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
