my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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