It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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