Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize