i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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