a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
