Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
