I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize