I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
