I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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