Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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