We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
