I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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