i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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