You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
3pm strippers are depressing
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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