ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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