They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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