Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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