Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
