We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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