Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
