My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize