I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
