I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
