lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
