matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
