if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
