He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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