my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
