I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
