Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
