she looked like the bat from fern gully.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
