he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
