I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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