For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have demons in me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
