I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize