So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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