'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
