i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
