btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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