I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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