Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
