last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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